I am bleeding pretty bad now as you know and I figure this is part of the miscarriage process. I just wish my body would hurry up and get back to normal. Why is this happening? I know you are behind everything and I know it could be worse. I know this happens to a lot of people and I know you wouldn't put anything on me that I couldn't handle. I know you are with me all the way and I know I am not suppose to question any of this but I can't help but wonder why.
Everytime I go to the bathroom I keep thinking of my child falling out into the water. God I know it has happened to people before that didn't want their child but I did want her. Why can't I get that image out of my head? Why do I feel so lost, why is this happening?
I am a good mom to Emily, right? I mean I think I am and I know I questioned being a mom to two children instead of just one but I know I could have done it. I wanted to do it. I know I said there was so much for me to do before this one got here but I didn't mean that in a bad way. You know I like to be busy. I am sorry if I did something wrong or said something wrong. Please forgive me.
I know this happens to people everyday and I shouldn't feel sorry for myself, but still for some reason I do. I know there was never a fetus there, nothing formed but I still feel like she was inside me. I still feel like I lost a child. God I am sorry for questioning you. I know all this happened for some reason or another and I know you are only doing what is best for all of us.
I don't know if it is meant for me to ever have another child. As you know I don't really want to go through any of this again so I can't imagine getting pregnant another time. Whatever you have planned for me and my family just know I thank you and I trust you. Just please help us all get passed this and please let everything quickly get back to normal.
I love you now, forever, and always. Thank you for everything,
AMEN
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Wow. I was sitting here with tears running down my face as I read this. I cannot even grasp the kind of pain you felt/feel. My sister (a wonderful Godly mother of 3 healthy chidren) just had a miscarriage. God is always in control, may his will be done. There was a reason behind all of this, though be it beyond human comprehension. God has many names: He is your Healer, Redeemer, Strength, Comforter, and Refuge from the storms of life. Allow him to be that.
ReplyDeleteI will pray that you will come to have peace and comfort in this difficult time.
Love you.